12 October 1998
(Heaton/Rotheray)

Courtesy of J.Chumley

HOW LONG'S A TEAR TAKE TO DRY?

How long's a tear take to dry
When a woman has no breeze?
How long's a tear take to dry
When a woman's, when a woman's on her knees?

How long's a tear take to dry
When a woman hasn't sinned?
How long's a tear take to dry
When the weather, when the weather brings no wind?

Look I'm sorry that I hurt you
You look a million dollars and a dime
Time's the greatest healer
But love's the greatest stealer of all time

I'm so sorry, (make it plural) - My heart's broken, (mine's the same)
I still love you, (make it plural)
You're so sweet!
The flowers smell sweeter, the closer you are to the grave
The flowers smell sweeter, the closer you are to the grave

How long's a tear take to dry
When almighty brings is rain?
How long's a tear take to dry
And do tears, and do tears really stain?

This heart was like a tardis
I went and lost the key in a fight
I've never found a locksmith
Will you be my locksmith tonight?
(Will I shite)

I'm so sorry, (make it plural) - My heart's broken, (mine's the same)
I still love you, (make it plural)
You're so sweet!
The flowers smell sweeter, the closer you are to the grave
The flowers smell sweeter, the closer you are to the grave

How long does sorry really last
Is it tattooed upon your heart?
Or is it hung in a museum
With your Mona Lisa, Mona Lisa ex-ass art?

I have no summer (I'll buy you summer)
I'll buy July, if December makes you cry
A little or no trace face belies a lie of many days gone by
A little or no trace face belies a lie of many days gone by

Notes:

And leather ain't as strong as the weather/
But leather took Curtis from me

Who's Curtis?  Possibly a hypothetical gay lover, or it could be Ian Curtis, formerly of the band Joy Division, who hanged himself.

(Ta, Paul)

THE LURE OF THE SEA

If I walk like a fool, I've walked like that since school
But maybe it's the lure of the sea
Who knows the effect,
that whisky could've had on me
It could've been the lure of the sea

'Cause leather ain't as strong as the weather
But leather can strangle any dream
And leather ain't as strong as the weather
But leather took Curtis from me

Maybe it's the lure of the sea,
maybe it's the lure of the sea
Suicide's just the anarchist that kicks down modesty
But maybe it's the lure of the sea

Once I felt chained, and now, now I feel free
Maybe it's the lure of the sea
Polo and Da Gama,
well those two had nothing on me
Could be I'm a sucker for the sea

'Cause silver, ain't as quick as the tongue
But silver, took the M.L.K. so young
And metal ain't as strong as the petal
But metal left the verse unsung

Maybe it's the lure of the sea,
maybe it's the lure of the sea
Suicide's just the anarchist that kicks down modesty
But maybe it's the lure of the sea

Freedom's taken a liking to me
Maybe it's the lure of the sea
Look in my eyes cause my belt's broke free
Maybe it's the lure of the sea
The Pirates of Penzance,
they had nothing on me
Maybe it's the lure of the sea

Maybe it's the lure of the sea, maybe it's the lure of the sea
Suicide's just the anarchist that kicks down modesty
But maybe it's the lure of the sea

Maybe it's the lure of the sea, maybe it's the lure of the sea
Suicide's just the anarchist that kicks down modesty
But maybe it's the lure of the sea

BIG COIN

Big coin that you toss for heads or tails
Big coin you let slip down the drain
Big coin didn't find where it landed
Big coin, big coin

Big coin that you dropped in the river
Little raft that took you across
Little hand that pulled it from the gutter
Big coin, big coin

It's a tiny little heart that challenges the coin
But the coin has no beat or no breath
Big coin won't even leave you a love note
Big coin, big death

Big coin that you held and you treasured
Big coin you can't believe that you lost
Little kiss that helped you when you needed
Little kiss, big coin

Little heart that has no exchange rate
Big coin that could join the IMF
Little heart is only the greedy 'cause it's poor
Little heart, big coin

It's a tiny little heart that challenges the coin
But the coin has no north or no south
Big coin says it will never leave you
Big coin, big mouth

Little heart,
it ain't gold, it ain't silver
Little heart,
it ain't wasted on me
Little heart,
so much bigger than the coin
Little heart,
big guarantee
Little heart,
big guarantee

Little heart

It's a tiny little heart that challenges the coin
But the coin has no north or no south
Big coin says it will never leave you
Big coin, big mouth

DUMB

It doesn't take a mathematician
To add a simple sum
Either you are simply beautiful
Or I am simply dumb

Dumb, dumb, dumb

it doesn't take Robert the Bruce
To see the web you've spun
Either you are simply beautiful
Or I am simply dumb

Dumb, dumb, dumb

It doesn't take a labrador
To show a blind man sun
Either you are simply beautiful
Or I am simply dumb

Dumb, dumb, dumb

The sun, the sky, the moon, the stars
Jupiter, Neptune and Mars
All these things I clearly see
It don't take a telescope for you to love me

Dumb, dumb, dumb

Notes:

"Current hit Perfect 10 finds him pleading that he loves his partner regardless of her size, while she drolly emphasises that size matters only  when it comes to fellas" (Guardian)

From his side:

Size 6 = not OK
Size 8 or 9 = fine; larger would be better
Size 12 = good
Size 16 = Fine because he loves her

From her side:

4" = OK because she loves him
8" = delightful
XL = even better
XXL = fine

Question: Is Jacqui more willing to put up with "too small", whereas Paul is firmly against the "anorexic chicks"?

(Ta, Sarah)

PERFECT 10

She's a perfect 10,
but she wears a 12
Baby keep a little 2 for me
She could be sweet 16,
bustin' out at the seams
It's still love in the first degree

When he's at my gate,
with a big fat 8
You wanna see the smile on my face
And even at my door,
with a poor poor 4
There ain't no man can replace

'Cause we love our love,
in different sizes
I love her body,
especially the lines
Time takes its toll,
but not on the eyes
Promise me this, take me tonight

If he's extra large
well I'm in charge
I can work this thing on top
If he's XXL well what the hell
Every penny don't fit the slot

The anorexic chicks, the model 6
They don't hold no weight with me
Well 8 or 9, well that's just fine
But I like to hold something I can see

'Cause we love our love,
in different sizes
I love her body,
especially the lines
Time takes its toll,
but not on the eyes
Promise me this, take me tonight

I've bought a watch, to time your beauty
But I've had to fit a second hand
I've bought a calendar, and every month
Is taken up by lover man

'Cause we love our love,
in different sizes
I love her body,
especially the lines
Time takes it's toll,
but not on the eyes
Promise me this, take me tonight

'Cause we love our love,
in different sizes
I love her body,
especially the lines
Time takes it's toll,
but not on the eyes
Promise me this, take me tonight

THE SLIDE

When you're too old for the swings
You tend to choose the slide
And they never seem to warn you
The slide's your final ride
And when you're at the top of it
And you cannot see the end
Either don't let go son - Or grab the nearest friend
The slide is no respecter of dignity or class
As soon as you sit down on it
The slide has got your ass

Don't take the slide, don't take the slide
Heroes and villains have tried and cried
A pile of broken souls at the bottom it denied
Dont take the slide, don't take the slide

When the slide was invented
A thousand drinkers sighed
They thought they had the copyright
Of the very word the slide
It's a picture of innocence
On which the innocent have fried
Take the helter skelter son
It's easier than the slide
Advice to listening parents
Or the father of the bride
Let them marry anyone
But don't let her take the slide

Don't take the slide, don't take the slide
Heroes and villains have tried and cried
A pile of broken souls at the bottom it denied
Dont take the slide, don't take the slide

It'll take much much lower
Than you ever would have asked
'Cause as soon as you sit down on it
The slide has got your ass - It's customers are fools
And every one of them deceased
The long and silver murderer
The Devil must have greased

Don't take the slide, don't take the slide
Heroes and villains have tried and cried
A pile of broken souls at the bottom it denied
Dont take the slide, don't take the slide